He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He did a backflip because drugs
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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