update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
