i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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