I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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