Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Text me some of your sweat
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