i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My life is pants optional.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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