If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
