after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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