think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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