I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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