Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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