i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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