We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
