I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
