She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
