he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
