chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
