She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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