Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
