It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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