Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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