this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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