I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
