The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
