yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
