So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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