I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
