lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Are my feet made of real feet?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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