when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
