If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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