I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
