Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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