just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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