Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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