I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
i now understand why vodka
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I party with great urgency now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
