should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
