You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I look better un-naked...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
