it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
