hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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