Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
