I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
