my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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