We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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