if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
