he shaved USA in his pubs
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
