help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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