dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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