I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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