An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
