Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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