Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
