Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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