no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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