Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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