I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
