If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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