if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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