I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize