I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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