No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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