come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
