I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
