he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
