She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I smell like Dick and happiness
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