Jerry, you need to find god
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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