She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
