I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
