I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
