went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
