i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
