I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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