Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize