While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He has the fingertips of a God
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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