I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
