That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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