Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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