I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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