I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
