worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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